3 years in the making!!!!!!

Note: To set the tone of this letter I wrote this as if I were verbally speaking. I feel like this post is more intimate and for the first time I am open about a few things.
Warning: This is really long!

Wow! What a great 3 years it has been. Just seems like yesterday I was able to say I have been cancer free for two years. Suddenly another year to celebrate is upon us.
I prefer not to make things into a big deal but when I am grinning ear to ear it’s hard not to feel like this is a special day. This year went exceptionally well. All of my Dr.’s appointments were great and even better they reduced the rate in which the tumor may return. As time passes the numbers are slimming. Praise God!
I have always been told to never change for any”one” but why do you not ever hear you should never change for any”thing.” That is something I wish I heard a long time ago. Isn’t it true that people tend to change more by things and not by people as much? I guess an example is the “curse of the lottery.” I think they should make an expression that says the “curse of the cancer!” It does change you but I have learned that it is our responsibility how we change ourselves.
Occasionally I doubt myself and wonder why I let it transform me in both good ways and bad, yet I question myself and reflect maybe that was God’s plan. Things happen to us to mold us right? So in my best efforts I am slowly but surely getting over the anxiety, looking past the scars, and am replacing it with praise and thanks! As only a few of you know I was treated for anxiety attacks and I am now off of all medications. You see occasionally I go through phases: in my eyes a common cold could be cancer, a cough could be cancer, a small insect bite could be cancer, when I have a pain it could be cancer, when my husband tells me he doesn’t feel well it could be cancer. I am gradually healing and putting forth the best effort to not let this get to me. Instead of allowing it to have a negative effect I am learning how to turn it into a positive outcome. A common cold simply is a common cold, an ordinary cough can be just an ordinary cough, kids are going to get insect bites, when my husband or I have pain well that’s just part of life. We are getting older so more pain is to be expected. I feel like I am dealing with these issues slowly and things are beginning to gradually progress. It steadily leaked into other parts of my life and that too I am working on.
When each yearly anniversary arrives, you can somewhat compare my feelings to a little girl that is about blow out her candles on her 12th birthday: she is excited, full of emotions both intense and powerful, soaks in the wonderful experiences she shared the previous year of her life, the curiosity sinks in as to what to expect the upcoming year, and it all stops at this moment…it’s time to blow out her candles and make a wish. What is she going to wish for when she blows her candles out…probably something materialistic? You see I am full of all the powerful emotions, I soak in all of the moments, I too wonder what the future holds, however every wish, prayer, hope, expectation, anticipation, immense moment thrives on our health; not just my health but the health of all of my friends and family as well everyone that has been a part of my life. Even though I am an adult I still feel like that little 12 year old girl about to blow her candles out. As I reach every anniversary of my surgery I am gradually growing and learning. Each year my wish is a silent prayer for everyone’s health and I pray that even during our hardships that we seek guidance from above to get us through life’s struggles. We may not understand why some may not survive these things in life and why some have it less complicated as I did, but it is all part of Gods great plan.
Instead of something worldly when I blow my candles out on my 3 year celebration cake today remember that I am wishing for you and everyone that is in your life to have a safe and healthy life.
We are very thankful to have a happy & healthy family. Bryan works hard to support us and truly is the rock in our relationship, Emory was our unexpected child but shines every day and reminds us that she was given to us for many reasons, and Brylan will always be our miracle child and every year I am reminded that she survived this too. Once again my family is very thankful for everyone’s prayers and support. Here’s to many more years!
I dedicate this year’s letter to my Papa & Grandma Jarvis. Your influential strength continues to lift us up!