April 2010 Appt update

Well we had another appt at UT Md Anderson on Tuesday. We had an emotional day and I have to admit it drained me. The weekend prior we decided to tear our guest bathroom down and start from scratch. We worked ourselves really hard and replaced the shower, tiled the back splash, floor, installed a new toilet, primed the walls, and Bryan grouted & sealed the tile before we left Monday evening. All between that I packed for our garage sale which turned out to be huge this past weekend. I have to admit we were pretty tired when we left for this trip which made things a bit more emotional this time.
We started off with my prep and IV which went really well. My first appt was at 7:30 a.m. and for some reason they were already slightly behind. I have to admit I felt a little overwhelmed more then usual because they put me in the outpatient MRI so I was in a new place this time. A few of us patients were put in our little blue scrubs, had our IV's running down our arms, and waited in the prep room for our MRI's.
The MRI went better then all of the rest. As always I count to 60 over and over and over through most of the hour because the noise and the body aches of lying flat, still, with your toes pointed in the air for an hour tends to make you go nuts ha! To top it off I have the IV needle in the fold of my arm but I have to bend my arm so they can scan my pelvic region so that always makes me a bit nervous. At least this time they didn’t have me hold my breath several times. The radiologist was extremely nice and I really liked him. He opened up about himself and it’s nice to carry on a conversation with a professional and they make you feel like they care enough to talk about your family life & their own.
After that was the ultrasound. Here's where the day changed. As some of you know I posted about how I thought I tore my prosthesis a few weeks prior. Turns out they detected another spot and its sitting right above my prosthesis. I told the tech about the spot I felt and he detected a circular area that looked just like my original tumor. My heart dropped. He did measure it then sent the scans to the radiologist. I guess what scared me the most was him asking me how big was my original tumor and asking if I received radiation or chemo after my surgery to make the treatment more effective. I couldn't receive it because I was pregnant so we knew that just having surgery was a less effective way to overcome it. He left the room for about 20 min to discuss things with the radiologist. The first thing that flashed through my head other then the pain and cancer was how I was going to take care of my kids & husband. I thought about how Emory was affected through all of this and how it put a standstill in my family’s life. It just took me back to everything that I have already accomplished and I felt I was going to start all over again except this time I knew it was going to be more intense and harder to overcome.
No one is allowed to go back with you and I told myself that I was not going to say anything to anyone…not even my husband. After I walked out of that area I walked to Bryan and the look on his face for hope drew me to tears. I completely broke down. My tears were the kind where you have to put your arms over your head to just take a breath. I honestly felt lifeless and had an anxiety attack in front of everyone in the waiting area. The immediate bathroom was closed so I walked by the elevator and found a corner to cry in. For those of you that know me personally knows that I am not a crier and my husband can probably count on his hands how many times he has seen me cry over the years. A poor older lady came to me to comfort me and I think I felt worse about scaring all of the other patients. I picked myself back up, prayed to God for comfort, and off we went to the next round.
We had a few hours to spare before my oncologist could tell me anything. We went to the gift shop and Bryan bought the girls some little I love you pens and got me a licensed coozie and lunch kit = ) I guess that made things a little better right?
We finally made our way to the oncologist. After an hour in the waiting area, then an hour in the room, the results came in. My oncologist told me that she thinks the spot is a lipoma....when I say "thinks" I mean she feels pretty confident that's what it is. She said that it’s right at a cm right now and they are going to monitor the area and make sure there is no growth. Lipomas are non cancerous fatty tumors and very rarely turn into liposarcomas (cancerous tumors). We are familiar with what they are because my first tumor was misdiagnosed and they thought it was a lipoma before the biopsy since they can look similar under the skin. She could still feel all of the scar tissue and lump. Even though the lump is small I think you can feel it because the scar tissue forms a blanket over it to make it feel larger then what it actually is. The plans so far are for me to follow the same steps I did with my tumor. I will check the area and make sure I do not feel any future growth and if I speculate any changes we will go back in and get more scans. When I go back for checkups they will measure the area and make sure it has not grown dimensionally. If any changes occur then she will figure out what we need to do from there. Right now it is not necessary for another biopsy. After we left my husband got me a huge chocolate milk shake to cheer us up. Also he bought me a few things from Sam Moon but I have to wait until Mothers Day to get it.
Well, I guess that’s it for now. I was going to share this after Relay for Life and to be honest I didn’t even tell my mother or other family because I didn’t want to raise any concern. I have to admit that I am emotional most days but in all actuality this is good news…in the cancer world this is GREAT news!!!

"I thought I was living very fully before this happened.But in comparison I really wasn't. I wasn't taking the time to notice things. I didn't see things as brightly or as sharply or as memorably as I do now.I really don't let a moment slide by.I just don't. It's a big price to pay, isn't it, to have to have cancer... to learn that? But it is in the end, I have to say, a price worth paying."Lynn Redgrave 1943-2010.